“It can literally pepper an enemy with pinpoint precision at 300 yards” (video)

(Thanks, Inigo Montoya)

The following is a transcript of Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr’s remarks after being introduced as Senator Barack Obama’s vice-presidential running mate in Springfield, Ill.

…

Folks, again, it’s not political sloganary when I say we literally can’t afford four more years of this non- energy policy written by and for the oil companies, making us more and more dependent from hostile nations on our ability to run this country and literally, not figuratively, literally putting America’s security at risk, we can’t afford four more years of a foreign policy that has shredded our alliances and sacrificed our moral standing around the world.

…

The next President of the United States is going to be delivered to the most significant moment in American history since Franklin Roosevelt. He will have such an incredible opportunity, incredible opportunity, not only to change the direction of America, but literally, literally to change the direction of the world.

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Ladies and gentlemen, we believe that our tomorrows will be better than our yesterdays, and we believe we’ll pass on to our children an even better life than the one we lived. That literally has been the American way, and it can be that way again.

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Barack has the vision, and what you can’t forget, you know his vision, but let me tell you something. He also has the courage, the courage to make this a better place, and let me tell you something else, this man is a clear eyed pragmatist who will get the job done. I watch with amazement as he came to the Senate. I watch with amazement. He made his mark literally from day one reaching across the aisle to pass legislation to secure the world’s deadliest weapons, standing up to some of the most entrenched interests in Washington, risking the wrath of the old order to pass the most sweeping ethics reform in a generation.

…

Ladies and gentlemen, America gave Jill and me our chance. It gave Barack and Michelle their chance to stand on this stage today. It’s literally incredible.

I don’t know who this guy is. I don’t know his politics. But anyone who can use literally that many times in one speech has my vote.

(Thanks, everyone who submitted this!)

“It’s heartwrenching. This we thought was an answer to a mystery that’s been going on for far too long. The best term I can use is: it was heartbreaking, literally.”

(Thanks, Jason, via Skippy The Skeptic)

(Thanks, Robert)

Probably my favorite Nintendo game ever was Tecmo Bowl, and nothing beat running that Bo Jackson play with Oakland where Bo literally blew up all the defenders and ran for a touchdown every time. (Unless your friend had guessed that play, of course.)

I hunted down some video of Bo Jackson in Techmo Bowl, and I don’t see anyone exploding:

Link (Thanks, Randal)

If it was literally “The Wizard of Oz” there would be a fucking yellow brick road and munchkins everywhere.

Link (Thanks, Saral!)

Kenton Varda wrote:

Chanel Beat News
Dance Dance Revolution Super NOVA, featuring over 300 songs that cover almost every genre imaginable and replete with more than 2,000 dance patterns. Its Europe version Dancing Stage Super NOVA, featuring over 250 music tracks, some new and some of the best tracks from the previous games.

DDR Super NOVA is literally exploding with content.

Given the description, I don’t think I’d want to be anywhere near this machine.

• Dance Dance Revolution

And for your viewing pleasure, some DDR bloopers:

Leave it to The Soup to include not one but two literally references in a single show. Commenting on Paris Hilton’s latest high-profile mishap, host Joel McHale said:

In other car wreck news, four figurative car wrecks were in a literal car wreck outside a nightclub.

• Play the Quicktime video (0.6MB, TMZ.com via The Soup)

More on Paris Hilton in “literally insiders“.

Image courtesy Gallery of the Absurd

Kids today… they love the MTV. Even better than watching MTV is appearing on MTV — but you’ll have to do something outrageous to get noticed. Amelia decided that peeing her pants was a great way to exhibit her talents, and the producers of MTV’s Next were so impressed by her use of literally that they put her on the air:

I just want to tell you how relieved I am to be on this date. Like… like literally relieved…

• Play Quicktime Video (1MB) (Next via The Soup)

Please vote in the comments: is this correct, incorrect, unnecessary, or just plain gross?

• Incontinence
• MTV